for better or worse- to death do we part...

So here I sit at 4am...already feeling failure for my day. You ask why? My husband can no longer even stand to sleep with me. I know that our relationships has changed. He has accepted a caretaker role and I am no longer a partner. I have felt myself as a burden- this feeling taking seed deeper as the months of my recovery continue on with no end in sight. I am just another child for him to care for- feed, bathe, clothe- at least he doesn't have to diaper me and at this point I can go to the potty like a big girl. Intimacy lost somewhere in the months as they slowly pass us by. Kisses no longer resembling that of husband and wife, but pecks on the cheeck or forehead that you would give your grandmother. I wonder if our marriage will make it through this hell. I know that I need his support and love more than ever. I know I have new found love for him for not running away the moment this happend. He does take care of me and provides me with what I need to live. He makes sure I'm taken care of when he can't be here. I know he thinks I'm crazy and extreme. My fears and insecurities annoy him and make me the butt of many jokes. Somewhere deep inside I think maybe I deserve this. Maybe this is payback for being independent- for all the times I rejected intimacy because I was too busy with life- KIDS, work, house, KIDS! Can our marriage make it past this? I don't have the answer now. I do know I WANT my marriage to make it more than ever. I love him and need him in my life. Hopefully this will be enough...maybe as I return to a "more normal" functioning helpful wife again, our relationship will return to what it once was and then some. Maybe I will have to get used to a shift in roles and roll with the punches. Daily I continue to be reminded- life is ever changing- and accept that my roll as his wife and partner has changed but remain hopeful when looking towards the future of our relationship, because it will continue to change- for better or worse- till death do we part.